Smiling
By Limus Woods, 13th Sep 2011 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutGuidesPhilosophyPersonal Philosophy
This 1,300 word essay describes my idea of real smiles, fake smiles, and smiles at work.
Is Your Smile Real?
If I don't smile, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm in a bad mood. But when I don't, people always ask me “Is everything alright, Limus?” It's nice to know that they care. And I always thank them for asking.
There is an old school song by the Hip-Hop group De La Soul entitled “Stakes is High”, where David Jolicouer (aka Trugoy the Dove, Dave, or Plug 2) says “I think smiling in public is against the law/ 'cause love don't get you through life no more...”. I agree. We can show as much love as we want, but it doesn't usually help. I know that God will appreciate it, but men and women won't, and don't.
If there is no reason to laugh, don't do it. It's fake. If I tell you a joke and it's not funny, let me know so that I don't go around continuing to tell it.
There's this lady on my job who never smiles at customers. Yet she never gets in trouble for it. I guess she figures if she starts being falsely friendly, over time she'll eventually she'll have to be herself again. At that point, the manager's would probably say that she's developed an attitude problem. But if she doesn't start smiling in the first place, they'll take it as her original personality. Hell, they don't feel like smiling themselves most of the time.
Don't go around grinning in peoples faces that you don't like. In fact, telling them that you don't like them will get you even more respect. The person will probably ask you why you don't like them, you can tell them, and at least a conversation would have been started. As long as you let them know one on one and not in front of other people, you might even become friends. Either that or start a private fistfight in the break room.
A friend is someone who will tell you when you are wrong, not just a yes man or woman. Personally, I love smiling. Even if I have a negative truth to tell you there's a grin on my face- hopefully it lightens the blow. It can have the ultimate effect of the person thinking that I'm making fun of their serious situation, but most of the time the person knows me. After all, if we've even gotten to the point of me
having to tell them something like that, they know that I'm truly being myself. Even on my childhood pictures I'm always smiling, and I know we had it hard growing up.
Why Folks Do or Don't Smile
A lot of people just don't have any joy within themselves, so they don't feel the need to bring cheer to the ones around them. If you can even get this kind of person to smile then you've really accomplished something good. There was an older man who worked at my job who sometimes wouldn't speak to anyone the entire shift. When I get to work I usually speak to everyone, and usually I get a “What's up”, fist bump, or handshake. When I got to him, he would just say “Ummhmm.” I tried to tell him a joke one day and he gave me a stone cold look that said, “Man if you don't get the hell out of my face,” even though he didn't actually say the words. I figured he was just set in his ways, and smiling just wasn't his style. We all eventually grew to like him just the way he was (sometime later I glanced his a pearly whites in an conversation he was having with someone else, and it scared me to death).
There are people who do the direct opposite; they smile all the time. When they have a frowning day, it's almost certain something is wrong. But since they aren't themselves that day, it's simply hard to approach them.
Maybe people don't smile because of trust issues. Me? I don't trust anybody. That's bad. I know it is. But I don't. Why? Because I smile a lot. I'm too nice. The folks that I'm nice to will more than likely try and take advantage of my niceness. I know this. That's why I don't trust them. Maybe I should be an asshole, that way I at least know why folks hate me.
Nah. Please disregard that last thought...that's not my style.
The Result of Smiling
So many people in the past have taken my kindness for weakness. But I guess that's what I get for being nice, smiling. That's my reward for somewhat boosting their heads up, men, women, friends and family included. With this new attitude that I have I guess they'll just see me as a cruel, cold guy from now on. Oh well. If they don't
show up to my funeral that's just them. But I'm not going to waste another moment of my life trying to figure out other peoples problems. I just cant be like that. Not anymore.
I'm so sick of trying to please everyone. I don't know how I've done it for this long. And yes, I am speaking from the heart. I have too much to take care of on my own to be worrying about others. Selfish? Yes. I know it is.
I'm trying to be a good Christian. The Bible says give, so I try to, if not material things then at least a little joy. But when I give I get taken from me in the worst ways by the same ones that I share with. Is that how it's supposed to go? If that's the case I should change religions, if that even helps. I don't know yet.
But I do keep a smile on my face. And it's not one of those smiles that doesn't mean anything, one of those “throw everyone off around me” smiles. You can bet that I'm genuinely happy when I express it. I really want to spread joy when my facial expression says it.
Lord knows I need more real friends, though. The kind that want something out of life. I don't want them to see them in that underachieving sort of thinking anymore. All they see is negative ways to make a living. I know because I don't think like them, and by the time my life evolves a few more times I won't be able to be around them because of they way they live. I really shouldn't be now, because a lot of what they do could get me in trouble just being around them. I have to cut them off.
It's like hell on earth. I can't be nice. Even though I want to be. Here, on this planetary playing field, I have to be the devil. Mean as hell. That's why I know that there has to be a better place than this. Really. And it has to be heaven because this, where we are, is simply fire and brimstone.
I don't talk to the people that I don't want to. Like some supervisors at work for example. They'll just jump into an A and B conversation that they feel they have the right to be in just because we are on the clock. I don't respond to their rude verbal, intrusive interruptions. They know who they are. I don't want to be cool with them. I'm just there for the money. Do YOU think I'm cold? Well, I don't care. You don't pay my rent, you lame ass reader.
I guess all that I'm trying to say is be what you are in the moment. When you’re happy, be happy, and if you want to, spread joy to others. If you’re upset, don't smile and say, “I'm good”. Express it. Let it out. If not loudly, quietly to someone you know well. A bartender, a therapist, God, a best friend, a family member, somebody. The quicker you do, the quicker you'll get back to being the more easy going, mellow you.
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