How Long Til You Laugh Again?

Linda PoitrasStarred Page By Linda Poitras, 10th Sep 2016 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Guides>Philosophy>Personal Philosophy

Everybody loses a loved one. The pain that is felt is sometimes unbearable. I want to share a little of my story. Not for sympathy but to let you know, you're not alone. so grab yourself a cup of coffee and join me ...

Good Morning Everybody ...

Have you ever just stopped for a moment and think to yourself ...

I can't remember a time when I wasn't hurting. Some days, the pain is somewhat bearable I can actually almost forget. Other days ...

Well other days, it hurts to breathe.

My morning chronicle is about just that ... so grab yourself a cup of coffee and join me ...

This month is a painful month for me.

I go through a lot of emotional ups and downs. Especially now since I'm going through changes in life and I find that the one person I want to talk to isn't here. There lies the source of my pain.

I'm not sharing this story because I want sympathy. I'm sharing this story because I'm not alone feeling like this. Everybody has lost a dear one and suffers on some level.

So I'm thinking that if you're reading this, we are indeed sharing the same boat.

I don't have to tell you how overwhelmed I felt.

Like I was having an out of body experience. Not living, just existing. I felt like a living heart donor. I felt numb. Disconnected from myself. Felt like I was going to wake up soon because this couldn't be real. Hurting so intensely I was sure I was going to die in my sleep and tried to hurry so I wouldn't wake up and cry because I did.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep helped me escape the pain and be with the memory of my momma. In my dreams, she was alive. I could see her, smell her, hear her, feel her, ...

With each passing day I was sliding down that slippery slope to the point where I was just about sleep walking through my life. You know, I thought watching her fade away was the hardest thing I had ever gone through in my life? lol turns out it was nothing compared to the moments, days, weeks, months that followed.

Fortunately, I wasn't alone.

I had someone who was there for me. It wasn't easy for him. The person he knew before my momma's passing was gone. I remember at one time he actually asked me, "how long til you laugh again?"

I remember looking at him wondering the very same thing.

In my case, the loss of my momma was a hard one. Losing her to cancer ... no words can describe. You don't recover and you don't get over that kind of pain you just learn to live with it. Honestly, how can you forget the loss, in that sense, they are never truly gone. Still ... it hurts to not see them, hear them, or hold them again.

Quote from Napoleon Hill, American author says:


"If you believe yourself unfortunate,
because you have loved and lost,
perish the thought. One who has
loved truly, can never lose entirely."


Whatever your are feeling ... just cry

Whatever trial, whatever the cause of your grief, stress, emotion, mental, spiritual turmoil ... the process of simply trying to keep the faith and make it through another day, is part of your growth.

I have to admit that crying was a soother for me. I said crying ... not wallowing. It helps release the pressure. You do at some point have to go on living but when it comes to a loss, who has been able to determine a time? It'll be 13 years on the 25th and I still hurt, I still feel the emptiness and I still cry because I need to tell her things she isn't here to hear. So, you know when your time to move on is.

Quotes from Arnold Beisser, American polio-disabled author says:


"Tragedy and comedy are but two aspects
of what is real, and whether we see the tragic
or the humorous is a matter of perspective."

Laughing ...

One day, after her passing ... I was told a joke which I though was funny and so I laughed. It was stupid but it was the first time I actually laughed in months. When I realized that I was laughing and smiling, I looked around looking for my momma to see if she was laughing too which was actually a spontaneous act on my part ... I got washed up with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

I'm sure you know what that feels like. Everything around you gets dark, the smile and laughter transform into tears and the fresh air becomes heavy.

The gift momma left behind ...

I had forgotten the gift and legacy my momma had left me. She was happy. She had very few regrets. She was loved and she knew it. She loved with all her heart and gave wholeheartedly with no regard to the cost it would have on her.

My momma believed in God. She used to say: Laughter and humor are one of God’s gifts to overcome your trials and tribulations. There's a time for all things under the sun. A time to mourn and a time to celebrate life. A time to cry ... a time to laugh.

Do you get hard days? Absolutely. Do you cry and feel defeat? Most certainly.

It takes time, but you wake up each morning, pull yourself out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, asking God for just enough mojo to make it through the day and whether you are religious or not, you always do and you make it through another day.

My song of the day is a classic ...

Jimmy Durante, Smile

I wish you all a good day and be good to one another. Don't take your freedom for granted because it's not a given for everyone to do so.


And smile ..... you're on life's candid camera!

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
13th Sep 2016 (#)

Do you ever smile with reality??? Now you don't. You heal to be normal as that is what the world needs of you but you never are the same again. You change.
Its life nature as animals do it to and its seen if there is true love not lust or portrayal of life even in no strings attached scenarios.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
13th Sep 2016 (#)

My condolences to you for your loved one. May their souls rest in peace and may you know they are in a better place.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
13th Sep 2016 (#)

I never smiled again, although I do as part of my job.

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