How to drive in a way so idiotic that you are guaranteed to pass your driving test

christinalow By christinalow, 25th Jun 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Guides>Transport>Cars

A rather unconventional yet realistic guide on how to pass your driving test!

10 tips for the big test!

Only 42% of people pass their driving test on their first attempt and as one of those people (woopwoop), I thought it would be rather apt to blog how I managed to get through it, because trust me, it wasn’t conventional.

1. Spend more time checking mirrors than looking at the rest of the road.

If you’re learning to drive you will know what I mean when I say that mirrors are everything. You literally, without exaggerating, have to check them every two or three seconds just in case you break, turn, start, stop, reverse, breath, move etc, so spend the majority of the time checking them.

2. Learn your 19 show and tell answers, and if you forget one just waffle on about the other answers that may be vaguely linked.

Been the organised person that I am, I learnt my 19 questions the morning of my test (and my test was at 11:00). Then lucky me I got asked the two questions that I had forgotten the answers to, so in a sort of calm manner I just recited the answers to every other question that could be asked, and voila! No minors were given.

3. Don’t try and flirt, the examiner may be a real pervert.

If you feel like being slutty then yes put on your best mini skirt, fish nets and heels in an attempt to impress the examiner, but think of it this way, the examiner is probably going to think either:
a) She obviously isn’t such a confident driver if she thinks she needs to butter me up with a hideous outfit.
b) They must be into old fat examiners.
c) Oh dear, the driving instructor seemed to have picked up a prostitute instead of the pupil.
Now I don’t know if it’s just me but I wouldn’t have wanted the examiner to think that I’m a bad driver, prostitute and looking for a older boyfriend.

4. Have a chat with the examiner before hand.

I do mean chat, not flirt. Just general conversation will let him get to know you a little better and see if you are really cocky and think that you are going to sail through, or that you are quite shy and modest. It will also help to clam you down a bit before the test.

5. Relax

Kinda self explanatory don’t you think?

6. Ask your examiner everything you think you need to know before hand so you know what is happening.

If you have any queries at all before your test, ask your instructor because the chances are that it will be a completely reasonable question that he will know the answer to. It will also make you feel more prepared which should help your nerves (slightly).

7. Know the process that you will going through.

Get your driving instructor to go through the standard procedure of the test before hand, that way you will know what to expect and you shouldn’t be thrown off course by any horrible surprises.

8. Take your provisional and paper counterpart to the test centre.

If you don’t take it you won’t be allowed to take the test- as Alexander the meerkat would say- SIMPLES

9. Make sure you feel prepared.

If you don’t feel ready to take the test don’t do it, you don’t want to add to the 68% of people who didn’t pass first time. Also if you do pass then you could be quite dangerous on the road- especially if you drive a Nissan Micra (just an observation of Essex Micra drivers! (no offence!).

10. If you see the examiner about to speak when they are not about to give directions, double check that you are not doing any thing obviously wrong.

Let me explain this in context. On my test I was sitting at a red light waiting to turn left, and ambulance then came up behind me with the sirens on- something I hadn’t come across before, so I made a guess and pulled up onto the curb slightly to allow it through. Slightly knocked out of focus after I hadn’t realised that the light at gone green, and I then saw that the examiner was about to prompt me so I put my foot down sharpish !! Admittedly I got a minor for it (sniffsniff), but in the scheme of things it wasn’t to bad. So in conclusion, if you are about to get prompted, prompt yourself to do whatever it is, and if you don’t know what it is- well lets just hope you don't already have fourteen minors!

I can’t guarantee that you will pass if you do all of this but it should give you a better idea, and my last comforting words would be, if you do fail you were probably over nervous or just a really bad driver.


Driving, Driving A Car, Driving Test, Driving Tips, Learner Drivers

Meet the author

author avatar christinalow
I am an eighteen year old writer/actress and I have just finished college and am waiting to find out my grades to see if I have got anywhere near enough marks to get into Kings College (I highly doubt it). I'm slightly, well very obsessed with Americ...(more)

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author avatar Songbird B
25th Jun 2011 (#)

Hi Christina, a warm welcome to Wikinut! Great article, you had me chuckling all the way through it...Witty share, and good advice too! Congrats on passing your driving test by the way..\0/

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author avatar christinalow
25th Jun 2011 (#)

Thanks! :)

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author avatar Denise O
25th Jun 2011 (#)

LOL Christina. Funny! I have another good one. If you live in the deep south USA, make sure you take your drivers test in the middle of July. When the temp is 100+ and 100+ humidity and when the examiner asks you to turnt he air conditioner on. Say it isn't working. My last test ran about 30 seconds, I passed.LOL
Nice read. Thank you for the laughs.:)

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