The No-Blame Guide

JoshuaClayton By JoshuaClayton, 21st Dec 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Guides>Personal Development>Aspirations

The most winning people if you do notice, look in the mirror for who is to temporarily blame for their losses, and look in the mirror for who is permanently to blame for their winnings. Note the tenses of what I said in this summary: I said temporary blame for losses, and permanent blame for winnings for a great reason which I will detail in the page sections to come.

Blame goes both ways, but it all comes from the mirror when you are honest with yourself, win or lose.

Most people are quick to take credit for the winnings permanent or not and always slow to take credit for losses or learn from them. But, did you know that the few permanent genuine winners there are take credit for everything they do to themselves or that happens to them that counts as "a loss"? Learning from temporary mistakes is the most powerful road to permanently winning what you want in every way. The ultimate permanent mistake is quitting and giving up.

So, think about this fact: Too many people settle for average or low and make the ultimate permanent mistake, because they give up too quickly. Quitting and fear is settling, and it does not matter how you look at any situation, because there is always an answer to every question that ultimately works if you look for it creatively. Creatively, meaning to never quit, come from different or abstract angles on any subject, and learn creatively from all mistakes.

So, when I say all blame comes from the mirror, good or bad, you now are beginning to know what I mean.

Sure, I could easily say "all influences come from outside and it depends on luck to succeed" like any loser, but that is easy. What is hard is knowing and living by unflinchingly what effort it takes to genuinely succeed. Ultimately there may be one finger pointing habitually outward, but there are three fingers and probably part of a thumb pointing back at ourselves as the most subtle mirror of sorts. We are what we make ourselves despite wanting to think otherwise when we lose, and we are what we make ourselves when we win. If we are jerks, mean or arrogant, we still lose. If we are steady, sane, honest people, we win all the way and totally. A real loss is to be arrogant and haughty and take too much credit anyhow. A real win is within the steady, sane, honestly realistic attitude anyhow. That is also what I mean by it all comes from the mirror. What you are, is ultimately what you get.

Thinking of serenity, by the way:

Blame is a war. Understanding is serenity. Without that understanding, there is a constant war going on in mind, body, soul, spirit and all. But, if you want to blame, blame yourself for good or bad in your life, do not give external creedence to any cause outside of the mirror or the objective attitude quality. The best attitude is calm understanding instead of horrified blame.

When I think of blame at its smallest, it is looking in the mirror and saying "I did not cause it for myself." When I think of blame at its largest, it is a President or Leader of the world saying "That nation caused our problems and disagreements, and it is not anything on our part, we are perfect, they are not." Understanding is to understand the genuine cause, not blame anything outside of yourself in any way. Understanding is winning, win or lose, because it is a serene knowing that mistakes can be learned from and success can ultimately be gained.

Blame the bad guy! That is a cry I have heard when things get "too honest" and people get too thoughtfully realistic about it all, too sane. Realistically, the real "bad guys" are just misunderstanding, and the eternal goodness is serenity. After all, as I mentioned above, what you are is what you get. There is not any other cause or effect.

One finger may be pointing out to the other person, but three fingers are pointing back at you.

I cannot emphasize self-accountability enough. But, where the blame lay is in the three fingers pointing back at us, not the one finger pointing out like a gun, when we are cognizant and knowledgeable enough to "know better". We can all play blame to others, or rise above ourselves through realistic and honest action to win, no matter how gut-wrenching and independently time consuming it may seem. There is always a chance for redemption. To put it bluntly and in a short way: The three fingers pointing back at us can be a virtuous advantage for us, while the one finger pointing out can become just a reminder for others to follow positive suit. When we do right, and make it work genuinely, even if it is time consuming and moral "in a tired way", it is the sacrifice we have to make to gain ourselves genuinely.

When I think of the words "my fault", this is what I really think of: A genuine shot at redemption, not anything too bad. I have said those words to myself and others so many times that I just think of them as a beginning to the road of redemption, not so much as anything really bad. But of course, after you say "my fault", you have to genuinely travel that road and build yourself up, nobody is going to do it for you. Indeed, "my fault" is the three fingers pointing at me, versus the one finger pointing at you. "My fault" is knowing when to sacrifice my phony "right", to understand what is wrong and fix it genuinely. So, fixing the fault, can involve doing what is right, being what is right, and having what is right. The biggest loss is unrequited guilt, meaning, ignoring what needs to be addressed in favor of what "feels best" and "wants to be done". For doing what is needed is the key to getting what is genuinely wanted really in the right way, One finger may point out like I said, but three fingers really point back at you at that point. Why avoid the issue? Sure, there are times we all want to fear reality and run from it. But the real point of life starts when we start thinking at these times: Is this really what we want to do? It ends with taking the proper action that shuns fear and mystical avoidance. A greater loss always starts with fearing to take the action and just avoiding what needs to be done. One finger may scream at the other person we are blaming, but those three fingers will point back at us, strongly, unless the proper action is taken on our parts. If it is, then the one finger pointing out is justified. But, until then, we must practice what we preach.


Being Effective, Being In Control, Being Present, Being The Best, Beingness, Initiative, Winning

Meet the author

author avatar JoshuaClayton
I am a freelance writer based in Inglewood, California, USA. I used to write under a few aliases, but now I have nothing to hide and write mostly under my own name. I write mostly on self-help topics.

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author avatar Kingwell
21st Dec 2013 (#)

Good post and I agree.

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