What did I do wrong in the relationship?

Future's Seeds By Future's Seeds, 9th Aug 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3izejsym/
Posted in Wikinut>Guides>Personal Development>Spiritual Development

What did I do wrong? I put so much efforts into the relationship!
Why it just doesn't work?

Actually, no matter what kind of theories you looked at, religious free, not religious free, you can still get many answers.

Let's have a look in deep!

Introduction

5 August of 2014, in Kabbalah this is the last day of the 3 negative weeks of 2014. Also the most darkest day in these 3 weeks.

The other days in these 3 weeks are tough too. But I didn't expect that 5th August can be that draining.

A chance to meet

That day, I dated someone that I like to meet through Skype. She is my life coach. I knew her for a few months, and all our conversations are based on Skype, both videos and messaging. But because of her tight schedules, we had only met through live video 3 -4 times.

I know this is materialistic love as we never deeply communicate in person before, and I don't know her deeply. But no matter what, I like her, and want to be friends with her, very much. Therefore, I was looking so much forward for this meeting.

Everytime of our video meeting, I felt nervous. Because I want to show her the best side of mine, but I don't know what can I do.

Everytime, nervous knocks

Everytime we are going to meet, I feel ao nervous. I don't know how to control it, but it made my performance to her bad. I have even tried to pre-written some scripts and practiced before meeting her. But things didn't go well.

This time, may or may not be affected by the last day of negative weeks, I finally couldn't stand the nervous and failed to call her. She did call, but since I am too scared, I didn't pick up the call...

Why I am so scared when facing her?
Why I am nervous whenI has a chance to talk ?

The problems

I have been thinking for so long that why I how come I can suck like that. Feeling nervous to meet someone you looked up to, is normal. But how come I rejected to call? What am I thinking??

When I know I am going to face her, I :
- feel so nervous and scared she will see my bad sides. I am afraid that she think I am so stupid. Because of her response to me through skype previously, she obviously doesn't interest on me and it is not for work, she wouldn't talk to me
- am afraid that when talking to her,  she will give me no response/ dead air after I present my ideas
- think that my ideas are not good enough
- didn't know her well and therefore become so shy, so afraid of being hated

Actually, the facts are:
- I have too low self esteem, keep thinking my english is not fluent, I am not funny enough, etc. I don't believe I can do anything good or interesting to her. But  who's to say I am not good enough?
- I have lack of confidence to her good traits and personality and think she would think I am stupid

How to explain all this in kabbalah

Since I am now studying kabbalah, I would like to check out the whole thing in a kabbalistic point of view:

- I want her too much means I feel lack
- I am too urge to make something good to the relationship, I want it to happen in my way, and closed all the gates and possibilities that the universe can give the helping energy to me.
- Actually, it is my ego to want her love me back. As in kabbalah, we are meant to share our love unconditionally, without looking for response and rewards. If I keep looking for love from her, I can become a burdun to her as I can't help her but keep wanting her to help and give her energy to me. I suck energy from her
- I want her to sooth or take care of me , victim consciousness
- I concentrate too much to the past and future, but didn't do any good and plant any good seeds in NOW. I am not  filling soul energy to the basket in front of me. Instead, I am planting negative seeds for our future relationship, which is fears, nervous, and other negative emotions. I am afraid that she won't like me, or even hate me after the meeting. And with this negative forces, next time when the same situation comes, the negative energy will grow and it becomes much more difficult to solve the problem

The Remedy

Before I study Kabbalah, I practice the law of attraction. Both practices have some similarities and I want to make use of both to solve the situation:
Kabbalah point of view
- There are 1% realm with illusion and 99 % realm with all the answers. If we concentrate on 1% of love , which is materialistic and physical, things will be uncontrollable,  even we got so many possible signs from the relationship previously. So, I have to move my consciousness to the 99%, which, in terms of true love, it means unity. All of us are connected, abd of course she and me. We are connected and so why we always concentrate on the illusion of separation in 1% world? If we are connected, our thoughts will flow through, why I need to afraid of miscommunication?

- in kabbalah, everyone human being is a vessel. When I vessel is small, the light of the creator cannot fully come in. We need to aware that when I still can't get my desire even I worked so hard, my vessel is actually expanding the most. Therefore, but holding on, keep going and not to give up to the negativities, light will come in when our vessel are big enough and ego are removed and not blocking the light.

- I should recognize and remove my ego. I love her and should not looking for her response, but to love her by thinking what I  can do for her. Be a helping hand to her, instead of sucking and being feed by her energy. She still has her love ones to care, I should be her extra burden.

- Plant good seeds when baskets come

- Think about it, a true kabbalist won't be affected by the 1% world. If I am effected, means my spirituality is not growing

In the view of the Law of Attraction
- I am sad, because my believe system are not aligned with my desires. My believe system, which are creating the reality around me,  believe she doesn't like me so ... So she really doesn't. I have to change my mine and believe she like me, so my desires is able to achieve

- Same as my lack of confidence to her, I feel scared and not comfortable to face her, because I feel I am not good enough. This believe  makes me really no good enough. I have to change that too

- here is a very good quote from Abraham, from the book of ' The Law Of Attraction';  Get your eyes, words, and thoughts off of what-is, and put them purely on what you now want. The more you think and speak of what you want, the faster what you want will be yours.

The next chance

Take a look on what I want, actually I only want to be happily chatting with her and hope both of us are happy And enjoy the time we spent with each other.

But, if I am not a positve person, how can she like me? When I face a negative person, I also want to run away!
Before meeting her, my time has been stopped for long. She is the one of re-trigger my time. How can I just give.up and stop it like that?

No matter what, I am going to use all I have learned in.kabbalah and law of attraction to correct the situation.
Next time, I will do better.

And I hope you too in your relationship.

All the best!

Tags

Help, Kabbalah, Law Of Attraction, Love, Relationship

Meet the author

author avatar Future's Seeds
When serious things happen, you may not feel right on discussing with people you know.

If this is your case, feel free to contact me! I am strive to make use of my spiritual knowledge to help!

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Comments

author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
21st Aug 2014 (#)

I hope everything works out for you. Peace to you.

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